How NOT to Tear During Birth – The #1 Mistake to Avoid

Hey beautiful mama, I’m Stephanie Poole — doula, lactation consultant, bestselling author, and your personal birth-prep partner. If you’re reading this, you’re preparing for your first birth and haven’t yet started breastfeeding, but you’re serious about setting yourself up for success. You’re in the perfect place.

In this post (and the companion video) we’re talking about something EVERY first-time mom worries about tearing during birth. But here’s the twist — it’s not just about “doing Kegels” or “stretching the perineum” (though those tools have their place). The real game-changer lies in avoiding a very common mistake that most mamas make before they enter labor.

Let’s dig in.

1. What do we really mean by “tearing”?

Many mamas imagine dramatic rips and stitches but tearing ranges from tiny superficial tears to more significant ones. The good news? Many tears heal quickly and clean with minimal intervention — but the goal is to give yourself the best shot at minimizing risk and maximizing recovery.

2. The #1 mistake most first-time mamas make

Here it is: They prepare the body to tighten and push but forget to prepare it to release and stretch.
What does that mean? Your body isn’t just a muscle to contract—it’s a vessel that needs to open, relax, and let the baby out. If you enter labor with tension, resistance, or an “over-ready to hold on” pelvic floor, the descent of the baby becomes harder. That added pressure = higher risk of tearing.

3. What your body should be doing instead

• Learning how to relax deeply (especially your pelvic floor)

• Practicing positions and movements that encourage lengthening & opening

• Building strength and flexibility (not just tight contractive strength)

• Connecting your breath, your body, and your baby’s movement down

When you prepare like this, you’re creating a body that supports the baby’s descent—rather than building a body that fights it.

4. A daily action you can take right now

Take 2 minutes today — sit on the edge of a chair or a yoga ball, place one hand on your belly and one on your pelvic area. Inhale slowly through your nose, feel your belly expand downwards. Exhale through your mouth, let everything soften. 10 slow breath cycles. Practice this daily. It teaches release and gives your baby space to move.

5. How NOT To Tear During Birth – Mini-Course

Inside this mini course, you’ll learn exactly how to prepare your body for birth so you can reduce tearing and recover faster. You’ll get step-by-step guidance on:

• Pelvic floor readiness for labor – how to relax (not just tighten) your muscles so baby can descend smoothly
• Safe movement & positioning – the best ways to open your pelvis naturally during birth
• Mind-body connection for pushing – how to push effectively without creating extra strain or pressure
• Post-birth recovery tips – how to heal faster and protect your perineum after delivery

This isn’t another fluffy “birth tips” video — it’s evidence-based, easy to follow, and designed for first-time mamas who want to feel confident and in control before labor begins.

If you’re ready to go beyond the basics and truly prepare for a smoother, less-stressful birth — join the How NOT To Tear During Birth today!

Tearing doesn’t have to be your story. With the right preparation, the right mindset, and doing the correct things ahead of time—rather than repeating outdated advice—you can set yourself up for a more comfortable birth and quicker recovery.

If you found this valuable, share it with a friend who’s pregnant, leave a comment below your biggest question about tearing, and let’s make your birth the one you dreamed of (without the overwhelm).